Disappointments

Sometimes life feels like it's just a series of disappointing events. I'm actually okay with disappointing life events. I think what stops me in my tracks is how often the people I love and those who are closest to me disappoint me. I feel like I'm the kind of person who doesn't ask much from people, however, time and time again, I have felt disappointed by people's lack of commitment, lack of time, lack of attention to detail, lack of basic care and concern.

I'm not sure how to really "fix" this. I'm pretty sure I can't actually "fix" this. I can't make people be or do something they don't want to do or are not capable of.

So where does this leave me?

I think I have to decide where to put these people in my life and how to interact with them.

Sadly, this makes me feel like I have behave more superficially with these people. I have to take a step back and not let their lack of commitment affect me.

I think people are so eager to belong, they will do whatever they need to do, they will leave whomever they need to leave and they will hurt whomever they need to hurt just so they can feel like they are a part of something bigger than themselves.

I think even if I tried, I couldn't "belong". It's not in me to belong somewhere or to someone.

This is a lonely life, this not belonging.
Lots of disappointment.
But the other side of the coin is that with enough disappointment, I've just learned to continually let go.

And here's the perk of being a counselor...when you learn to perpetually let go, you eventually have nothing left to lose.