You've got to stand up for yourself...

Too many times I have backed down from what seems to be a situation where I am insisting on being treated with respect and dignity. I have backed down because I decided the "fight" wasn't worth fighting. The truth of the matter is that it's not even a fight. Standing up for yourself in order to be treated with respect and dignity is a basic human right. Everyone has the right to be treated with respect and everyone has the right to dignity. So I have decided to follow my own advice I often discuss with clients: people will rebel against change, so you must not base your empowerment on how others react to it because they are not going to like change. They want you to be the person they are used to interacting with. You must stand up for your right to respect and dignity knowing full well that you will encounter opposition. You will be discounted and you may even be hated. But you must not back away from your basic human rights. Afterall, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Lesson: Same behavior=same results. Different behavior=different results. And there, my friends, is one of the perks of being a counselor. :)

Anti-Perk...

So far, I thoroughly LOVE what I do. I love being a counselor! However, lately, being a counselor is somewhat an anti-perk when it comes to dating. Why, you may ask. Afterall, you would think being a counselor helps one figure out the guys who are serious and the ones who are not. While this is generally true (and I don't think you need to be a counselor to figure this out), being a counselor brings with it lots of questions and baggage that normally would not be discussed on a first date. 

Here is how it usually goes (of course there are exceptions to this as with anything else in life):

Me: "Hello. I'm Yasaman. It's very nice to meet you."

Date: "Hi Yasaman. I'm _________. Nice to meet you as well."

Some small talk....

Date: "So...what do you do?"

Me: "Well...I do research and I'm a counselor as well."

Date: (awkward silence and looks a bit like he was just caught on candid camera) "Oh, okay. I see. That's great. Wow. Okay. So....are you analyzing me right now?"

Me: (deep breath, sits up straight, awkwardly look at date because now eye contact has a different meaning) "Well...no, I'm not analyzing you. Not any more than you're analyzing me."

And then begins the unofficial counseling session. All sorts of bad habits, awkward moments, and relationship conflicts are brought up, issues that no one would get to even in the first month of dating. My ability to have chemistry with these dates dies immediately. And thus, my 25th first date comes to an end. Sigh....

Don't get me wrong. I love, love, love what I do. And apparently I'm somewhat good at it to get men to talk about their dysfunctional lives so quickly, but it gets old and feels pretty frustrating. 

On the positive side, I have helped divorced dads connect with programs that help them become better dads.

Lesson:  nothing is ever a waste of time if you're able to look at it from the right perspective. And so I continue my adventures in both dating and in my career happy that I can be of service to whomever I meet regardless of the situation. It's all in the perspective. 

I refuse...

I refuse to accept any less than I deserve.

I refuse to accept less than love.

I refuse to accept less than a whole heart.

I refuse to accept "okay."

I refuse to accept mediocre compassion.

I refuse to accept shame.

I refuse to accept disconnection.

I refuse to accept lack of meaning and purpose.

I refuse to accept bare minimum.

I refuse to accept lack of communication.

I refuse to accept lack of respect.

I refuse to accept an ugly heart.

I refuse to accept that I can't have everything I want.

I want it all and I refuse to accept anything less. 

~Yasaman Nafisi

Goodbye...

There are lifetimes in a single goodbye. 

There are moments of stillness, of laughter and joy. 

There are breaths taken and not yet born. 

There are open wounds forgotten and yet raw. 

There are memories that heal and memories that gnaw. 

In a single goodbye lives a world unspoken yet true. 

Goodbye is the bridge between the old and the new. 

Hearts beat, eyes open, tears flow.

Goodbyes are pregnant with love untold; leaving behind, forging forward into the unknown. 

~Yasaman Nafisi

Truth and lies...

Hands lie. Lips lie. Bodies lie. Even eyes betray. Looks can kill. And whispers can be deafening. Only in silence do you find the truth and peace. In words not spoken is an ocean of meaning and loudness that is unbearable. What is not done is the undoing of all. What is not heard is what makes you go deaf to the music of life. 

~Yasaman Nafisi

Sometimes selfies are therapeutic...

When you stop feeling...

Today I tried to cry after my heart broke for the millionth time. I tried but I couldn't. I was sad but I couldn't cry. I surprised myself when I heard my heart split but no tear drop came out. I felt my lungs collapse just a little, but still, nothing could be felt in my heart. I panicked a little, not knowing what to do; my thoughts fading, not able to talk. I wondered if this is the result of too many cracks and an ocean of tears. I wondered if finally I am lost. I wondered if I might feel again and for whom and for what. This is the story of love. This is the story of life. This is the story of death. The absence of light brought with it the dark. Now I can't see pain but I also can't see love.

~Yasaman Nafisi

When you've had too much...

There are times when you know you have gone in a direction that is a one way street. There are things in life that, once seen, you cannot recover from. There are places in the mind and heart that die. There are places in the soul that once exposed, shrink and wilt from the poison. There are hairs that turn grey and fall out. There are cells in your body that dissolve when in contact with the river of pain that was formed when your dreams split in half from the earthquakes in your heart. There is no turning back. It's a one way street. You go forward and as you move, the walls behind you close and the street disappears. You leave one place and arrive at another. Here, you hope, maybe you can find a home for your soul, a place of rest. You sit down and thank the powers above that there exists another dimension, another time. And you wonder if maybe one day you will forget and your memory will be erased and that those moments of déjà vu will feel warm and safe, like you're coming home.

~Yasaman Nafisi

When we fight...

Just because children have parents, doesn't mean they are not orphans. And just because your parents have died, doesn't mean you're alone. The tragedy of what we create when we are at war with ourselves and with each other are the children we leave behind, the souls we lose when we are trying to find ourselves. We slowly kill their hopes and beliefs; we quickly steal their joy and happiness. We leave them feeling alone and unloved, sad and angry. We tell ourselves this is better. Better than what? Than having a home? Than belonging to someone? We lie to ourselves in order to live. We tell ourselves the story of a distorted reality so we can feel better about who we are. We let go, and in doing so we create a new generation that doesn't know how to hold on. We teach the future that nothing is worthwhile, not even love, not even you.

~Yasaman Nafisi